Lens Not Label See things differently.

13 August 2026

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Happy Friday, Reader! There has been a lot happening this week. One of the ideas that's helped me stay focused throughout these busy days comes from Lens Not Label:

Be in the same conversation.

How often are we in two different conversations? You think you’re doing one thing and the person you are talking with thinks you're doing something else.

There is a great example in the book about this, between Claire and her daughter, but I don't want to spoil it for you.

As I was writing this, another wonderful example occurred to me. It's a scene from The Sopranos between Tony and Hesh, where they're taking what appear to be typical conversational turns, but each of them is telling different unfolding stories (so preoccupied with their own thoughts they are). I would include it here, but it's far too sweary!

(If you're curious, the scene in question is from season 2, episode 5; I'm doing a rewatch of the entire series.)

When we feel like we’re in different conversations, we can be unsure of the rules or how best to respond. This may be especially true when we're in conversations with people who think differently than us.

How do we get into the same conversation in a way that feels normal and enables it to be useful?

That question is part of a much bigger one (and became our reason for writing Lens Not Label):

“How do I work well with this person who is neurodivergent?”

I'm sorry to disappoint you, Reader, but the complete answer is not in the book. Nor is it in your expertise. You won't find it in training or in your past experiences, either.

It's in the shared moment of conversation.

Yes, you bring experience from your history and as a human being. But however much wisdom you have about neurodiversity, and however many conversations you have had with other people who think differently, you won’t know how to have an effective conversation (with anyone) unless you ask them.

Fortunately, there are lots of ways to do that! And it's not as hard as you think.

Those answers you will find in the book.

See what else we're learning this week…

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This Week’s Book Updates!

We've just received the final, final draft of Lens Not Label, index and all. This is literally the last call before boarding. And not long before launch, exciting!

I've also been doing interviews these past several weeks with neurodivergent coaches for Uncontained. And Claire hosted a panel episode with ND coaches at The Coaching Inn…it will come out in two weeks, so stick around for that.

Some themes that are emerging from these conversations (off the top of my head):

• When we can be more of ourselves in the conversation, it gives others permission to do the same. This may be as simple as allowing yourself to move more freely, thereby signalling that movement is welcome (and not a distraction to be managed).
• Things that may be considered weaknesses also have affordances. For example, if we struggle to remember things, we may find that we can be more present in a conversation (once we let go of trying to hold onto what happened before). Or how, for some, struggles with identifying emotions or internal states is actually a boon to focusing, as there is little internal distraction to contend with.
• There is a noticeable difference between what the coaching bodies think the work of coaching is versus what effective coaching with a neurodivergent person actually looks like.

We'll be diving deeper on these themes and more in Uncontained. In the meantime, here's a shortlist of other things we're exploring:

• Cover designs! We're looking to hire a graphic designer to take our pencil sketches and turn them into a beautiful book cover.
• We've also made a shortlist of book subtitles. Next week's newsletter will feature a poll for you to vote on.
• And the poll is possible because we just upgraded Kit (the platform that hosts this newsletter). We'll now be able to do other things here, such as share worksheets, feature new pages at lensnotlabel.com and more.

We can't wait to share all this with you. Stay in the conversation with us!

Being in the same weather

You may have heard about the drought here as the UK enters its fourth heat wave this summer. But up here in Liverpool this week it's been raining.

I know the heat will come, but at the moment it feels like just another way we might be in different conversations.

In other words, it's not just the words. Being “in the same conversation” can be about the environment or some other aspect of experience. Sometimes you have control over these things, other times you might have to work extra hard to find common ground; a way to connect with who you're talking to so that it feels like you're in the same conversation.

Regardless, it's always worth noticing!

Stay connected,
Kim, Claire, and Nathan

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If you know someone who wants to improve their conversations with difference, please encourage them to join in here:

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