Fitting in…but at what cost?


Lens Not Label

06 June 2026

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

In last week's newsletter, we took a deeper look at neurodiversity…what it is and isn't, plus a bit about how to talk about about it.

This week, let's go even further and unpack neurodivergent and neurodivergence

In 2000, neurodiversity activist Kassiane Asasumasu introduced these two terms, referring to a person with "any significant divergence from dominant cultural norms of neurocognitive functioning."

A person can be neurodivergent or have neurodivergence. This includes but is not limited to Autism, ADHD, specific learning differences (dysgraphia, dyslexia, dyscalculia), motor conditions (dyspraxia, Tourette syndrome), as well as several other communication differences, intellectual disabilities and genetic or acquired conditions.

It was Kassiane's intention at the time — and to this day — that these terms be as broad and inclusive as possible. That is even more important now, where many people and institutions seek to restrict, pathologise or otherwise gatekeep who qualifies as “legitimately” neurodivergent.

“Any less inclusive definition is not part of the ND paradigm, but part of the phenomenon of psychiatry co-opting ND language and using it in a way it was never intended.” – Janae Elisabeth, Trauma Geek

Another thing to note is that these are not medical terms. Nor are they biological categories. They are social ones, referring to those of us whose neurological functioning does not align with the current social norms, e.g. neuronormativity.

The opposite of neurodivergent is neurotypical, describing a person who can comfortably think, behave and experience the world in ways that are considered standard by society.

Neurotypical was developed in the 1990s within the Neurodiversity Movement. The neurotypical label made it easier to have conversations around power and privilege without accepting that people who aren’t neurodivergent were somehow “normal” or the human default.

In other words, these labels enable us to step away from the medical mindset that suggests a default or “normal” way of being, with anybody deviating from it as “abnormal”.

But what about?

Some neurodivergent people are able to fit into the societal expectations of their environment. Meaning, we might mask, suppress our tendencies or sensitivities or employ any number of strategies to get through the day.

But what cost?

Blending in and performing to neuronormative standards can take its toll. The energy cost to conform or otherwise fit in is often greater and more severe than it is for others. It might require additional effort to hide the struggle and its impact on us. It might take us longer to recover.

And you might not see any of this.

This is where your awareness, curiosity and kindness can go a long way. That's also why one of the core ideas of Lens Not Label is to ASK.

Stick around, because asking (and how) is what we'll get into next week!

What would you add to any of this? We'd love to hear. Please hit reply and share your thoughts.

For more perspectives on neurodivergence, Stimpunks Foundation has a great roundup of posts, tweets and more: defining neurodivergence

Book updates!

Lens Not Label is in its final copy editing stage, with the corrections due back on Tuesday 😬

It's been great to have the thorough and caring eyes of the Practical Inspiration publishing team on this; so grateful for them making this book even better.

Lens Not Label is out 17 November 2026 and you can pre-order it here.

Our companion book, Uncontained, is being drafted right now! Claire and I just recorded a podcast at The Coaching Inn about it last week, which inspired more new writing for the book. That episode will be out in July.

Uncontained is for neurodivergent coaches and anyone else who wants permission to coach differently. It comes out 1 December 2026.

Confession time!

It may surprise you to hear that I only encountered these more inclusive lenses on neurodivergence until the middle of us writing Lens Not Label.

I was spending much of my time researching concepts and going down rabbit holes. I took the basics for granted, assuming I already understood these broad labels.

It wasn't until I got curious and asked myself, really questioning what actually goes under the neurodivergent umbrella (and why) that I discovered the rich and reasoned history shared here.

That speaks to the importance of asking (even if only to yourself), which we'll zero in on next week. Stick around.

With care and thought,
Kim, Claire and Nathan

The Lens Not Label newsletter is written by Kim Witten, with support from Claire Pedrick and Nathan Whitbread

600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246
Unsubscribe · Preferences

Lens Not Label

Read more from Lens Not Label
Cover of Lens Not Label with text about seeing differently.

Lens Not Label 06 June 2026 Welcome to the first edition of the Lens Not Label newsletter! In our new home here on Kit. We'll be doing things a bit differently than we did over at Substack…and we're still figuring out what that means. Regardless, each edition of this Lens Not Label newsletter will include something useful to help you have better conversations with the neurodivergent people in your life. As well as updates on the book, Lens Not Label. Plus, the companion book, Uncontained,...